My Experience with a High Needs Baby

I have a clingy (high needs) baby. It was evident a few days after he was born. He would go on a sleep marathon only if I hold him close to me. The moment I put him down, I can count to five and hear him screaming. My first few days as a new Mom were not easy. It took some time for me to figure out what I needed to do with my son. I remembered those early days when I would constantly Google something to find out how to leave the baby in the crib or what the “problem” with him is. 

You see, I was able to mind my brother when he was a baby. This experience made me believe that I know how to take care of a baby – or so I thought. With my brother, I put him to sleep and then lay him down in his crib so he will sleep for an hour or so. He will never shriek the moment I put him down and will wake up happy. My son was different. No matter how long or short I waited to put him down, he still wakes up the moment I put him down. I tried doing all the advice I got from the Internet: PUPD, hush-pat, tap the leg, hold the leg, swaddle tightly, swaddle loosely, and I admit, a bit of controlled crying when he was about 4 months. It is not like I didn’t try to put him down, I just couldn’t. Days went on and naptimes were constantly a disaster. I found out that my son needs and loves his sleep, but just couldn’t (or wouldn’t) want to sleep alone. It is also around this time that I realized what kind of Mom I am; I learned that I am one of those who can’t stand to hear their kids cry. Especially if I know that what he wants from me is something natural, innate between a mother and child. It felt so wrong for me to ignore his wails of “help” as I try to implement what the article I read from the internet advised me to do. Add up to the fact that my son is very resilient. He is not like other babies who would stop after 2-3 minutes of crying. He can go on for as long as it takes until somebody gives him what he wants/needs.

Weeks went on and I was still plagued by confusion how to deal with my son’s sleeping habits. Mostly because of some advice I get around that I am “spoiling” him. Until the day I stumbled across Dr. Sears’ website about clingy (high needs) babies. I read the description and it’s as if everything was about my son. I did not believe it immediately but went to do my own “research” about clingy or high-needs babies and was surprised to read that I wasn’t the only one. I learned that there are other babies out there similar to my son; who are resilient to let their primary caregivers (Moms) know what they want and need from them. 

Because of this, I learned how to baby wear (something I thought I will never do). I would have my son constantly glued to me just so I can do something as he takes his naps. It was uncomfortable, especially because the belt sits on top of my c-section scar. But it allowed my son to take his much-needed nap for as long as he wants, making him a happy kid when he wakes up. I learned that if he wakes up happy, I can leave him to play in his crib for a while so I can go have a break. It allowed me to fold the laundry, sweep the floor, or have some tea.

Apart from baby wearing, I learned to accept my son. During the first weeks, I was trying to “fix” him because I thought something was wrong with him. It was a constant struggle between my son’s needs for human touch and my perception that all babies should sleep in the crib. But after reading Dr. Sears’ article, I learned it was me who was wrong. I was wrong to assume that like my brother; my son should be like that – sleeping soundly in his crib. I learned to accept that all babies and families are unique. This means that I can only use the advice I read on the internet or tips given by other Moms, but it is not a guarantee it will work for all families.

My son is 20 months old now. We still cuddle him to sleep. It is inconvenient, yes, especially because I needed to go back to work. But I was blessed enough to find nannies who are willing to do the same for us. Despite not sleep training him, I noticed some improvements with his sleeping habits. At around 9 – 10 months, we are able to put him to sleep if we are outside while he is inside his pram. Before, it was impossible. We could go around the whole city pushing his pram as he wails inside demanding to be carried.

I am a believer that things will get better. Over time, I have seen the improvement with my son’s sleeping habits. I am hoping the day will come for him to understand that he will never be abandoned when he sleeps in his crib/bed. But for now, I am just doing what any mother with high needs baby can do. Keep trying and just savor the moment because I know these times will never last forever.

Easy Salmon Fish Cake

I love preparing my son’s meals and snacks! I love spending time in the kitchen and really enjoy preparing my family’s meals. I make sure that my son gets to eat different types of meats and veggies per week to make sure he gets the proper nutrition his growing body needs.

My son is a very active toddler and in order to make sure that he gets all the calories he needs for the day, I offer him 3 meals and 2-3 snacks throughout the day. There are days when he can finish all the food I prepare for him with such gusto. However, there are “bad days” where he is not really interested in eating!

It can get quite frustrating for Moms who prepare food from scratch, only for it to end up getting binned. How much more for working Moms like me!? The answer to that is to make use of the oven and freezer!

I love preparing muffin-styled food for my son because it is easy and I only needed to make use of a 12 pieces muffin pan. It is very easy to come up with different flavors and tastes! I make at least 6 muffins of anything and keep 3 in the fridge. The remaining 3 pieces will be stored in the freezer for future use.

Since being quite busy with work and I realized it’s been a while since my son had fish, I decided to make him a salmon fish cake. Unlike the typical fish cake where frying is involved, I used my muffin pan so I just pop it in the oven and wait for 20 minutes.




Salmon Fish Cake. I know my photo is horrible!

Recipe (makes 6 muffins/fish cake):

1 small fillet of salmon, cut into strips

1 sweet potato, roasted and cut into chunks

¼ sweet yellow bell pepper, roasted and cut into chunks

Black pepper to season

2 eggs

3 tbsp self-raising flour

Oil for brushing

Steps:

1. Preheat the oven to 170C.

2. Mix all the ingredients in a mixing bowl, except for the oil.

3. Once mixed, brush the muffin pan with a bit of oil to prevent the muffins from sticking.

4. Scoop the salmon mixture and place inside the muffin pan. Do not fill up to the brim. Leave a bit of space, maybe about 1cm.

5. Place inside the oven and cook for 20 minutes.

6. Serve warm and enjoy!

Note: Here are the ingredients/items I used to create this recipe:

Gradual Weaning Process for Myself: Letting Go

I was blessed with a lot of milk and I always thank God for that. While our breastfeeding journey was not perfect, I can say that I am so happy that until this moment we are still breastfeeding. I am also thankful that my current work setup allowed me to breastfeed my son directly. It can also be the reason why we were able to breastfeed for this long.

Despite being at home most of the times, I always pumped milk in the morning for my son. Regardless if he will drink the milk, I made sure that I pumped on my “pumping time”. It was the 15-minute session every day, every morning that I allocated to pump milk. Since my son did not regularly use the milk stash stored in the fridge, I accumulated enough freezer stash for him that filled the last tray of our freezer. Probably if our freezer was any bigger, I could’ve stored a lot more than what we ended up with.

When we go out, that’s when the stash became useful to us. I never breastfed my son in public (unless it was during a long plane ride) so we had to bring a bottle for him. However, at around 16months, my son voluntarily weaned from the bottle. We noticed that if we were out, he can last the whole time without drinking milk but will continuously do so if we were at home. If we tried to offer him the milk from the bottle whilst outside, he will throw temper tantrums while looking at me. Probably his way of saying, “What is this Mom?!?! I want boobs, not THIS!” We tried putting the milk inside his sippy cup, mixing with cow’s milk, mixing with flavored milk ETC. But nothing will make him drink milk unless coming from me.

So we stopped to bring milk while we are out. And that left us with our full tray of frozen breast milk stash. I had a quick look at the dates and the milk was still usable. I contemplated what I wanted to do with it. I initially thought of giving it away, but I held back. Why? I was thinking/hoping that my son will still drink the milk. I never thought I would feel that way, but it occurred to me at the time that the pumped milk belonged to my son. I thought of the days I was so busy with work, but I can’t/don’t want to skip my pumping session fearing my son will never have enough milk.

A couple of days passed by, and one frozen bag expired. I still have about 2 Liters of milk sitting inside the freezer. That’s when I finally accepted that my son will no longer use it. It has been months since he drank milk from any other source except me. I finally accepted that in order for the days/time I spent pumping that milk mean something is for it to be useful.

I offered the milk for donation and it didn’t take long for somebody to accept it. I didn’t meet the lady whom my breast milk went to but knew that her little one had tongue tie so they had issues with latching. But she was really determined to breastfeed her son. I gladly gave the entire frozen milk stash and somehow I felt a tiny pinch inside my heart as I was emptying our freezer tray. I knew that the milk will end up with somebody who needs it, but it just made me realize that it could be a sign; the start of my son’s weaning process. And it hurts me just by thinking about it.

After the milk exchange, I received a text from the lady thanking me. We exchanged a few more texts until I received this. With that, I just knew that giving the milk to somebody who will use it was the right decision. It could be the best way for me to gradually start our weaning process, letting go of our freezer stash.

Teething Drama is About to End! What Worked for Us?

Molars, why are you taking your sweet time to get out?! My son has been in this molar-teething stage for as long as I remember. He is actually very good with teething. He still sleeps well in the evening and don’t get feverish (thank God!). Unlike other babies, my son never liked biting on his teethers. We bought about 5 different teethers to test if he will like any of those but, nada! We placed them in the fridge/freezer but never worked. I even tried the breast milk popsicles, but he just made a face and threw it away! I also tried to give him a cold, wet washcloth, but it didn’t appeal him. But I know that he is suffering from this phase as he gets pretty cranky sometimes and totally clingy to Mum.

You are probably thinking, what worked for my son during this uncomfortable teething process. Here are some of the things that we did that seemed to ease his discomfort:

• Any metal objects such as spoons. As I’ve said, my son didn’t like his teethers. He would pick up any random object to chew and bite but not his teethers. When I notice that he does it often in a day, I immediately relate to this as teething. He doesn’t really bite anything unless his gums are already swelling because of a tooth about to erupt.

• Give him an apple or pear. My son loves fruits so much and that he likes to munch on crunchy and harder fruits when he is teething. So when I think he is teething, I give him sliced/whole apples and pears for a snack. If you are giving your child whole fruits, watch out for the core!

• Gum gel. My son can get pretty crappy when it comes to food when he is really in pain. He will not cry but constantly spit out his food. Probably because it hurts his gums. So to allow him to eat (since he is interested anyway), we massage a bit of gel around his gums. Remember to read the label on the frequency of application to avoid overdoing it. He particularly likes this brand and I tasted it. It is actually kinda sweet!

• Frequent latching on Mom's breast. If you are a breastfeeding Mom, you will immediately notice that your child wants to latch every-single-time. I work from home so I am able to feed him but like any working Moms, I also have deadlines. It is impossible to work and nurse at the same time. When he is teething, I try my best to accommodate to his every demand in “boobie time”. Breast milk has natural analgesic that helps them to feel relief when teething. Watch out for the bite marks, though! Teething babies will make frequent attempts to bite during this stage.

• Give some pain relief medication such as paracetamol or ibuprofen. When all things fail and your child is still cranky, give him/her a dose of painkiller such as paracetamol or ibuprofen. I am not a fan of giving too much medication to my son especially since he doesn’t have a fever. But when I feel that he is in too much discomfort (ie cranky, spits food frequently) even after trying the other things mentioned above; I give him a dose of medicine. I noticed that ibuprofen works best for teething pain especially with the molars. So you may want to use paracetamol for other teeth but ibuprofen for molars.

Remember that I don't do all these at once. I try to do one thing at a time and the last would be to give him a dose of medicine. Apart from these, additional TLC helps them get through this painful teething process.

Weekend Morning with a Toddler

Before my son was born, weekends meant that I get to wake up past 8 AM in the morning. Well, I don’t really wake up late. I think the latest would be around 9 AM. But at least would be able to stretch a bit while lying in bed. My husband and I can have a slow start to our weekend mornings. We can spend a few more minutes chatting in bed before somebody volunteers to start making some coffee.

Now that my son is here, he gets to dictate our schedule. We are awake when he is awake, which is around 7 AM (if we are lucky!). He is our alarm clock, and he can go off at random times each day. There is no telling what time he will wake up for a certain day. We are lucky if he wakes up consistently at the same time for a week; only to change it the week after. 

Sometimes, it feels surreal that we have been sleeping for less than 8 hours for more than 19 months now. It is just amazing to see how time flies by so quickly, we hardly notice that we have been into this parenting thing for so long.

My son's version of "Good Morning Mom!"

Fast forward to today, I still don’t get to stretch idly in bed during the weekend mornings. We wake up the moment he wakes up. Am I complaining? A bit maybe. But the moment my son wakes up, is a start of a happy day for me. It means that I get to hug my little rascal good morning and start a new day with him. It meant that I can expect a hand or foot in my face as he tries his best to wake me and his dad. It meant I can hear his contagious giggles as he tries to poke my nose, ears, mouth, and eyes just so I will stop pretending to sleep.

Parenting is not always full of roses. There were bad days that I wish would just quickly pass by. But I can’t exchange simple, happy moments like waking up each day with my son for anything in the world. I still miss my slow and lazy weekend mornings. But for now, I will savor each moment while my son is still this cute little fella. Time flies by so quickly, I am pretty sure the day will come when I wish my son is a baby again. I know other moms out there do, and I am certain that I will feel the same way soon enough.

What I Really Think About Daycare

For months now, my husband and I are constantly plagued with never-ending questions when to put our son into daycare. I am pretty sure that the question meant well, to give us an option that we probably didn’t think of. And for the past months now, we are always consistently answering the same answer: We will take him when we feel it is the right time to do so.

Our son is growing up. He is a very active little boy who loves to run and climb around the house. This is probably the reason why we are constantly asked when we will bring him to a certain facility so he can “learn” to interact with other kids. Don’t get me wrong, my husband and I never thought that by putting one’s child into a daycare facility is evil. To be honest, it was one of the options we had in mind when my son turned one. We even went as far as to call a nearby daycare facility and pay for a full amount of deposit (yes, we already paid for it). It is just that after carefully thinking of our own situation, we decided against it. So the result was to delay his start for a whole year, without refunding the deposit (ouch!).

Here is the thing: parents put their kids to daycare because this is the setup that works best for them. I am not here to question anybody’s parenting style or preference, but would like to stress that the decision whether to put one’s child in a daycare facility comes from the parent’s child. Parents are the one who knows best of their unique situation. Parenting and child-rearing is not a “one-size-fits-all” approach. I am not here to say that we have turned deaf ears for friendly advice and opinions. I actually welcome them since it allows me to have more options to choose from. But to be constantly nagged about the same topic over and over can get quite overbearing.

I hope that as I have said my piece, the topic on daycare, playgroup, or any form of social interaction that I MUST bestow upon my child should end. I am not sure where this idea that it is a MUST to put one’s child into daycare so they can achieve better social skills came from. Are there any hard and fast rules about parenting that I haven’t heard of? The only one that I know of is that we send our kids to school by the age of 4 (or 5 for some countries). By this age, experts agree that a child’s social skills are quite matured making them ready to interact.

I am not to say that I will NEVER let go of my son to be independent. It is actually the opposite. I wish and hope for him to grow up to be an independent man; one that loves to travel and explore the world around him. It is just that for me, a child spending 40 hours per week in a day care facility with enough time to go home just tired to sleep without interaction with family is sad. If I were the child, I will be. And since my husband and I have a choice not to go to that direction, we won’t.