Extended Breastfeeding: Thinking Out Loud

I don’t remember how many times my mom and some friends asked me the question, “Are you still breastfeeding your son?” or “He is more than a year old now. When are you going to stop?” And each time I get asked the same question, I try my best to give the same answer, hoping one day they will get it or get tired asking.

To be honest, I did not plan to breastfeed my son until this moment. From my last post, I was not even sure if I will breastfeed my son anyway. But when we finally got the hang of it, I told myself that I will breastfeed him until only 6 months. I went on to tell my husband that it might be better because I plan to go back to work and might need to leave home blah blah blah. But fast forward to this day, I know what I said before did not happen. When my son turned 6 months, I was back at work but I was working from home. We have a nanny minding him as I go to the office (aka my desk). But since I am constantly at home, my son would go berserk if the nanny tries to give him a bottle and I am just a few inches away from him. He would be inconsolable for an hour or so until I give in to feed him for 10-15 minutes. That’s when I realized that I can’t stand to hear him cry like that, especially when I know I can give what he wants easily. I had to make adjustments with my working hours, so that I could make up for the 10-15 minute feeding time that I give my son. But at least I was able to console my son when he needs me and be able to work peacefully, except during Wonder Weeks and teething.

When I realized that I was behind my 6 month deadline to wean my son, I thought “Surely after his first birthday, I am done with breastfeeding”. But my son is now 18 months old and I still breastfeed him. It is funny; I remembered I had this conversation with one of our Godmothers from our wedding. And how she told me she breastfed her kids until 2. At that time, I was thinking “My God, two years?! How about teething and biting!” But I can now say that one cannot truly understand unless you are in that same situation as the other person you are talking with. 

These days, I stopped planning when I will wean my son. It would be convenient to wean him soon, but a part of me feels sad just by thinking about it. I am sure not all moms would understand why I still breastfeed. But for now, I feel it is the right thing to do. It is my way to comfort my son, to hug him tightly, to reconnect, and say “I love you” without even saying anything.